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Feeling Glum

The Cabbage Patch Column
by | Monday, 23rd May 2011
It's not going well. I'm not happy! I'm not happy because poor old Dominique has been sacrificed.

 And what for, for goodness sake?! A little hanky panky with a hotel maid. OK, so she didn't like it much, but as Ken says, what Dom did wasn't so serious. It was nothing compared to the stuff we all get up to on our weekends away at secluded country houses. Just look at the Perfulmo Affair. Nothing's changed.

So Dominic has had to resign from his job at the IMF, and he sits in a New York high security prison. As I say, he's been sacrificed to send us a message, and we've received it loud and clear, so we're stepping up the pace even more. 

(I hear this was one of the reasons for all the arguments among Bilderberg group members. Ken was dead against it, but he was sat on by Henry and told to keep his mouth shut.)

Health care reform, carbon taxes, constitutional destruction, further corporatisation of the military and the police, more taxes ... you won't know what's hit you. Eastenders, Coronation Street and the Olympics will keep you all in the matrix. That's the plan, and as I say, if you idiots would just stay in your homes, asleep, we could get it through without too much pain. For us, that is.

Take carbon taxes for example. You lot will sleep well in your beds in the knowledge that by paying your carbon taxes, the world's climate will be safe and secure. Until, that is, you realise that the addition of carbon taxes will make this "nation" even less competitive than ever, and even more jobs will flow away to China and India. 

Speaking of global warming, we had a near miss with that Minister for Snow announcement. I don't know who issued the press release, but I do know they've been sent to the British Embassy in Tripoli as a reward. We've had to pull out all the stops to have that story expunged from all the mainstream media websites. Getting it off Google was easier, though.

You may well ask why we went to all the bother. The reason is simple ... the "snow" we were referring to wasn't the frozen water type, and I didn't want to get tarred with the nick-name "snowy."

Anyway, as I say, I'm not happy, and Dominic isn't the only reason. We have so much to get through, and we can't get it through. The constitution is just getting in the way, constantly. The other day, I was talking about the whole privacy thing. I said that in a Parliamentary Democracy it is wrong for judges to make laws. And before I knew it, a whole bunch of people were calling my bluff! "We don't live in a Parliamentary Democracy," they said. "Neither Judges nor Parliament makes laws - juries do," they said. 

How the hell did they find that out!

So we're going all out with to continue pulling apart any vestiges of the constitution that remain. Look where we've got so far - the Queen mediatised, the House of Lords destroyed, Common Law all but forgotten, a "New Bill of Rights" on its way, more and more summary judgements, and soon the House of Lords replaced with an elected house, which we can fill with fully whipped and chained lackeys. 

And now I have to get my health care reforms through. I'm going to have a tougher time than Barry had in the US. There are too many people, even on my side, who don't like what I've been told to do with it. Yes, I'm privatising it. Yes, it will result in mass deaths, but they'll just have to live with that. This is, after all, a continuation of a policy begun over 70 years ago in Tiergartenstrasse.

Speaking of Barry, who did that birth certificate? Even I could have done a better job than that myself! That hospital didn't even exist when he was born. Morons.

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