Dear Britain: Get Stuffed. Sincerely, New Labour

To: The Rt Hon. Peter Mandelson esq;

As if we weren't already going out of our minds in fits of rage at the rampant incompetence, gutter rutting corruption, untrammeled arrogance and utterly diabolic parody of a "government" that currently squats atop this nation like a gigantic dose of piles - the sweating, blubbering, puss filled monstrosity takes a few moments pause from chewing the corpse of Great Britain to open its blood filled mouth and tell us what it really thinks of British workers and the general public.

Apparently, in Marxist/Fabian UK, striking pre-emptively in defence of your economic wellbeing at a time of extreme distress and fear for the future of your family, now qualifies one as a "racist," an "extremist," or, worst of all, a dreaded PROTECTIONIST.

In these statements we can clearly sense the abject fear of the serial peeping tom who got caught, yet again, climbing through the window of the girls dormitory, pants around ankles, in a most unseemly and compromising position. Well far be it from us to paint such an unflattering picture of our wonderful "public servants", after all, they do have our best interests at heart, do they not Mr Mandelson?

Clearly not content simply destroying our currency, armed forces, international reputation, political system and constitution, the laughing hyenas have now taken off those - ever so temporary - woolen jackets and shown themselves to be the fascistEurocrat wolves that they truly are.

But seriously Mr Mandelson, did it not occur to you that the violent death of the entire system of economics (that you seem intent to defend to the last) is common knowledge now to the "man in the street," even perhaps the poor sod who has to pluck the remnants of the foie gras and smoked salmon from your new ermine trimmed coat. Perhaps he might give you a lesson in "Buy British" one fine morning while you are busy warming up for another hard day of pontificating for the cameras and making a damn fool of yourself, again ...

But anyway, I shouldn't worry yourself unduly Mr M, there will be plenty of room in that "free trade" coffin for the mass hordes of other "has been" politicians and pundits the world over before we are finally through with this sorry chapter in the history of human folly and hubris.

Surely, any silly idea that the extreme weather would be a good time to stick the boot into British workers seems to have backfired spectacularly, does it not, or is it after all just another part of your grand master plan to bring the country to it's knees in time for EUROPOL to come and help restore order?

And so, in concluding Mr Mandelson, given that your track record in government is not exactly one which could honestly be described as a testament to a honed ability in handling political crises of ones own making, I have a not so friendly word of advice for you Sir:

You should resign your position in the Lords immediately and without further delay, before the braying mob that you youself have just enraged to the point of violence, pulls you screeching from the building and hurls you into the nearby frozen watersclothed in nothing more than a frilly pink nightie.

In truth, while such an amusing spectacle would afford the vast majority of honest people in this long suffering country a much needed break from the daily misery that you and your henchmen have wrought on us, we prefer to settle these matters peacefully, and without need for any further unnecessary distress on either side of this rapidly escalating crisis.

Do it. Do it now. Get ye gone Sir!


The UK Column