A Bunch Of Mundane Hacks

So, at last you are all starting to see me for what I really am. You lot thought I was ineffectual, weak, empty headed and devoid of all personality. You probably thought I was some kind of soulless clone. You were right, but I am also absolutely determined to do what I’m told. As soon as Ken gets his whips out, I know what I must do.

But I am getting mighty hacked off by the speed that my MPs are willing to act. Don’t they appreciate who we are all working for? If they did, they’d work harder, I can tell you. Austin Mitchell has it absolutely right when he calls them “mundane hacks” not fit to be at Westminster. They’re going to get a shock. Because if we don’t succeed in meeting the targets I have been set, they will be right there in the camps with you lot. These idiots don’t know what’s good for them.

Look, I have to get this country privatised. In its entirety! NHS, police, courts, Parliament itself even, is to be run by commercial contract with uber-corperations. Sure I tell you lot about Big Society this and Big Society that, all run by community groups and charities, but do you think for one second that we will leave it to communities to run community groups? Oh no, no way. Community groups will be run by corporate leaders on “sabbatical”. Charities will, of course, continue to have corporations as patrons or “partners”.

But it’s all happening too slowly.

And then out pops that idiot Cable again. I mean, where does he get off suggesting Britain needs a vision for its future economy!? I have a vision for Britain, and it doesn’t involve industry or jobs. It involves secret courts, people lifted off the streets without warning and with no rights, and thrown into prisons with no right of appeal. And it involves kicking off a global war! Oh yes, any MP not helping me meet my targets is on the list along with the activists out there. They’ll all be eating the gruel together. Cable - and lets not forget Prichard - will be right at the top.

Anyway, enough of the rant. I got some good news. I’m to fly on Air Farce One with President Obama. Why is that good? Because its usually me that’s getting bullied by Ken while I’m at home. Now I get to pass on some of that to my homeboy in the White House. Yes, indeed, I’ll be bringing Ken’s whips with me, and a stern message or two.

The first message is clear; we will attack Iran, and we will do it soon. Or rather Bibi will, and Barry ... eh Barak will back them up.

The other message I have for him is to stop taking so much nonsense from Congress. He did walk into it, I suppose. Even I realised it was a bit stupid of him to be so open about sidelining the US Constitution and Congress in his speeches. I mean, you’d never hear me making a speech like “I have tasked my team with finding every way possible to do things without Parliament.” This is exactly what I am doing, but I’m not going to tell the world about it.

So is it any wonder that he now has members of Congress submitting things like House Concurrent Resolution 107 pointing out that by using the US military without Congress’ permission he has committed high crimes capable of seeing him impeached. He hasn’t handled that too well, and so he’s going to get a spanking from me for that too.

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In other news, it looks like we have been hoist by our own petard.

We all know that the environmental movement is there to make sure there is never any real economic development on this planet, especially in the third world. I mean, much better that millions of humans die of hunger and thirst, than give them proper irrigation or, hell forbid, mains water. The usual excuse for permitting people to die in this way is that this or that habitat will be damaged or destroyed, putting endangered animal life at risk.

Well, look, we can’t pull off our false flag at the Olympics without those missile defences, and we need them placed at a specific location if we are to succeed. And now they say we can’t because it will disturb the bloody Corky-Fruited Water Dropwort! Streuth! Ken will not be amused.